Society

The 17 deadly weapons of the middle-class child

YOUR skin prickles. The hair on your neck stands up. A middle-class child is approaching, armed and dangerous. But which of its deadly weapons will it choose?

1980s named best decade for doing coke

A NATIONWIDE survey has confirmed that the 1980s were easily the greatest decade for the snorting of cocaine.

The nosy bastard's guide to getting involved in a private conversation

BEEN casually eavesdropping aren’t sure whether you should involve yourself in the discussion? Here’s a helpful guide to needlessly sticking your oar in.

Riots either caused by society or violent, thieving dickheads, say experts

ANALYSIS of the last fortnight’s riots have revealed them to be caused either by deep societal issues or a handful of dickheads up for a ruck and a loot.

Kids now waking up bored

CHILDREN have reached the stage of the school holidays when boredom precedes consciousness, they have confirmed.

Man's Foo Fighters tattoo shows admirable dedication to banality

A MAN in his early 30s has chosen the perfect tattoo to let the world know how trite and conventional he is.

Rioters are dense enough to have another go, public warned

THE police have issued a warning that rioters are indeed thick enough to have another go this weekend despite being quelled on Wednesday.