Politics

I TRIUMPHED in the Clacton by-election, therefore Count Binface must face the Parliamentary Standards Committee. Because that is democracy in action.

A RESIDENT of Clacton-on-Sea feels the by-election sparked by its grifting, usually absent MP is making the depressing, anachronistic resort look bad.

NIGEL Farage and Count Binface have announced they are hopelessly in love and whatever tomorrow’s result is will rule Clacton together.

THE prime minister is on holiday, but has unsportingly refused to reveal where to avoid class-based judgements. Where do you believe the coward has run off to?

AFTER reading The Sun I agree my parents should be forced to sell their home to pay for old age care instead of funding it through tax. Here’s how the billionaire-owned tabloid convinced me.

ANDY Burnham is stupidly frittering his time on issues like buses and social care. This is not the job of the prime minister, who should be laser-focused on things like this:

EVERYONE is speculating about my plans as PM, but no one has guessed I intend to turn Britain into the nightmarish ‘grimdark’ world of Warhammer 40k. Here’s what to expect.