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Overpriced lingerie: the expectations versus the reality, with the Mash sex columnist

ASK any man with swollen nuts and a stagnant love life hoping nobody sees him in Ann Summers: spending unaffordable amounts on risqué lingerie is a sure route to a shag.

Your astrological week ahead for March 29th, with Psychic Bob

How do you solve a problem like Maria? ADHD meds.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… Marjorie Taylor Greene, mad as a bag of racists

WAKING up with a hangover whose energy, if harnessed, could provide light and electricity for a small Scottish village for six months, I reflect on the past few days and my most recent holy initiative. 

You'd think they'd be too busy blowing each other up to make dinner: The gammon food critic's Middle Eastern experience

FUNNY lot, the Arabs. Always killing each other and living in tents in the desert because they're too lazy to build proper houses. Nothing wrong with camping, but you can take things too far.

This week in Mash History: Dr Edward Jenner invents vaccines and tiny, tiny microchips to go in them, 1796

THE discovery that harmless cowpox inoculated against deadly smallpox saved humanity from a disease that killed one in every ten people, while causing bothersome injections from local pharmacists.

Your astrological week ahead for March 22nd, with Psychic Bob

How different musical history would be if Elton John had written his hits with Bernie Clifton. Mick Jagger with Keith Harris. Roger Daltrey with Nookie Bear.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… JFK, Penelope Keith and Russell Brand's eternal grift

WAKING with a hangover whose tremors cause several slate tiles to come loose from the palace roof, luckily only causing minor head injuries below, I take a sip of water and look back on the week’s events.

A white home counties roadman has a beef wiv a bruv dat's met hactual Jamaican roadmen

FAM! Early dis week a bruv bangs hinto Active J on him’s way to da hastroturf at break wiv mandem crew, an’ starts dissin’ man habout bein’ a fake roadman. You wot, bruv?

A confused millennial tries to… prepare for the frontlines of World War Three

A DARK cloud is rolling across Europe. We may not see it lit af again in our lifetimes.

Your astrological week ahead for March 15th, with Psychic Bob

As humans we have collectively decided: when woodland society inevitably organises, badgers will be the police.