Relationships

FINALLY met a guy without commitment issues? That can’t possibly be true. You must have mistaken one of these for willingness to swear lifelong monogamous devotion.

A MAN’S values and worldviews lean towards whichever ones stand the best chance of resulting in sex, it has emerged.

A MAN has decided sex will be more pleasurable and meaningful if he stares into his partner's eyes throughout it.

A WOMAN who is patently the cause of every major problem in her beleaguered life, career and relationship has asked if it is her.

DATING apps can be a confusing experience, so it’s good to be aware of coded euphemisms for ‘Just a shag, if you’d be so kind’. Here are the most popular ploys.

THE internet is not real life, and practices discovered upon it should not be attempted IRL. Unless you long to be single, keep any suggestion of these to yourself.

WORRIED a lifelong friendship might be growing stale? Want to live on the edge, side-by-side, like you used to in youth? These methods will f**k shit up.

WANT to foist your insufferable worldview onto your unborn child? Try one of these stock baby announcements, each of which is so cringe they’re an effective contraceptive.

A SINGLE woman has requested her married and attached friends cease going out having fun as it is ruining the key benefit of being single.

A FATHER cannot wait until his children are back at school so he can love them just the way he used to do.