Relationships

BABE, I know you think romance is about candlelit dinners and poetry. But isn’t it also about giving each other gifts that are heartfelt and eternal?

TOMORROW is Valentine’s day, and you also need milk and kitchen roll. What does the afterthought of a card you slip into the basket say about your love?

TEENAGE daughter brought home a slouching yob with a leather jacket riding a 125cc scooter like it’s a Harley? Want to end their misbegotten relationship ASAP? Here’s how.

I LOVE you, I respect you and you are standing in the doorway with your arms crossed while I close browser windows. You are so much hotter than girls in porn and here’s why.

WHEN it comes to dating advice, we’ve hopefully moved on from platitudes like ‘plenty more fish in the sea’. But is the touchy-feely advice of the internet age any better? Of course not.

A GIRLFRIEND is confident her boyfriend will never cheat on her thanks to no woman finding him in any way attractive.

A MAN who cannot be bothered to read the lengthy text his girlfriend sent him has gambled on replying with the tears-of-laughter emoji.

A DISTRESSED girlfriend has discovered that even when her boyfriend pierces his ear and puts in a slutty little hoop he does not resemble Hamnet heartthrob Paul Mescal.

SEXY girls in their early 20s looking for rich men two decades older to give them luxury lifestyles have nothing but disappointment ahead.

WANT to make her climax? Of course you do, it would reflect badly on you if you didn’t. Ready to hear how to make that happen? No, what would she know? Do this instead.