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You know how you deal with a jellyfish sting? You don’t let his insults get to you in the first place.

WAKING with a hangover so intense that some sort of silver liquid matter is dribbling from my ears, I reflect upon meeting President Trump during his visit to the UK. 

I SCAN their social media. I monitor their conversations. I can tell they’re thinking it. So why won’t our homegrown liberals badmouth Charlie Kirk so I can snitch on them?

HANNAH Tomlinson, known to her coven as 28-year-old Isolde Hexebane, wonders if Tom Logan, aged 28, is The One whose sacrifice her dark masters crave?

‘Oh I do like to be beside the seaside,’ quoth the seagull.

WAKING with a hangover so intense I shat out both my kidneys and an auxiliary third one I had transplanted, my mind turned to strangely relevant historical events.

NOTHING can be as nature intended these days. Women who think they're men. Men who think they're women. The 'gender neutral' lot who claim to be neither when a quick look in their pants would clear it up once and for all. 

YOUR braces are off, you’ve discovered Lynx Epic Fresh and your parents have accepted getting laid is a possibility. This is the red-faced, mumbled advice they gave you.

Call that a wig, Kate? Charles II would like a word.

WAKING up with a hangover that requires me to consume 42 gallons of water in five minutes to assuage it, I reflect on the week’s ecclesiastical events.