FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, has unfortunately not received any Easter eggs due to him being all grown-up now.

WAGWAN? Heaster is here, fam. An’ it is usually da time to celebrate chocolate, but Active J is a gangsta crew bossman hadult now, bustin’ a peng goatee, innit. An’ da Heaster Bunny is only for toddlers, like dickhead Drilla.

Yes, fam. Active J is leavin’ da carefree days of single-use vapes behind an’ maturin’ to rehusable, sophisticated vapes. Man will be takin’ responsibility for him’s fruity fog machine, nurturin’ an’ carin’ for it, as well as man’s himpressive facial hair. Active J is growin’, fam.

Parentdem recognised Active J is a hadult bossman an’ ‘ave given man bare respect. Heven though mumdem wanted to put make-up mascara on man’s goatee to make it flex swag, an’ daddem called man ‘Josh’ when him’s woz pissed. Rank, bruv!

So, hinstead of da Heaster Bunny hidin’ lots of da heggs Active J likes dat come wiv a free chocolate bar, da wasteman rabbitdem hid a bottle of Dior Sauvage hafter shave for man. Are you jokes? Are you blind to da hoptics dat Active J is clearly not shavin’?

On da hastroturf, mandem crew woz all talkin’ habout da Heaster heggs dems woz gettin’, but man sed less, an’ gave Lady G a Lindt bunny from da Heaster Bunny, wotever!

Her sed Active J is a gangsta rapper wiv a peng goatee, so da Heaster Bunny thought man woz too boss for a hegg, innit. So rabbitdem – wot was Lady G – got man a can of Monster. It woz safe. Man woz solid, fam. But Active J ‘ad to leave hultra quick coz mumdem sed her make-up mascara woz not waterproof, innit.

When da crew met on da hastroturf today, we ‘ad to listen to Drilla boastin’ habout how him smashed down nine heggs an’ den woz sick, an’ den ‘ad another five, an’ woz sick hagain. Wot a massive dickhead!

Den Lady G gave man a shoe box, an’ sed da Bunny felt bad habout only gettin’ Active J a can of Monster, so woz givin’ man Air Force for Heaster, innit. Man woz shook, but did a TikTok reveal hanyway. Da trainers woz chocolate, innit. Lady G, or da rabbitdem, ‘ad melted Heaster heggs, wrapped trainers in cling film an’ dipped dem’s in.

Active J woz turbo-gassed, fam. Man didn’t heven ask how da Bunny got da trainers out when da chocolate dried ‘n’ ting. Peng gyal an’ man just chilled on da hastroturf an’ scoffed a trainer each, den shared a single-use fruity dessert vape. Lady G sed man’s goatee wiv da hafter shave on woz bare nang. Mumdem woz right habout her make-up mascara. Fanx Bunny, pengest Heaster hever.