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Why I love hassling people to use the plug sockets on trains. By Anya Taylor-Joy

FORGET the Oscars or riding around in climate-controlled limos – what really gets me off is the thrill of mildly inconveniencing people to use the charging points on trains.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a delayed Avanti intercity or a rattling, two-carriage train between down-at-heel Northern towns, I’ll be pestering you to let me charge my devices. And you’ll have to let me.

Is it an atavistic urge to dominate the tribe? Mankind’s known love of conquest? The incredible rush of free leccy? I don’t know. What I do know is I’m not afraid to nudge someone awake to get to the USB socket. 

It doesn’t matter who you are. Businessperson on a laptop, football fans cracking open cans at 9am on an away trip, student doing an essay with headphones on. I’m going to make you take part in in an odd little hunt for the sockets then leave a cable awkwardly snaked around your feet which you’ll be conscious of for the rest of the journey. 

But it doesn’t stop there. I normally bring my 30m adaptor cable with four plugs too – even though a conductor said ‘This is your last chance, Miss Taylor-Joy’ and threatened to kick me off the train at Wakefield Westgate again. But that just adds a thrilling game of cat-and-mouse to it.

Ahead of every trip I pack an extra bag full to the brim with chargeable shit. By the time the refreshment trolly comes by I’m charging my electric toothbrush, smart watch, headphones, razor, Ring doorbell and Kindle.

And if I really want to take the piss I’ll whip up some smoothies in a Nutribullet and plug in my George Foreman grill and make myself a few crunchy bacon butties. There’s no law against it. Well, there is. 

But what are they gonna do? Put me in prison and make everyone miss brilliant Apple TV+ films like The Gorge? I don’t think so.

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Mash Blind Date: 'I'm looking for a guy to become a follower of my OnlyFans'

25-year-old accountant Olly O’Connor is looking for love and 22-year-old content creator Sophie Rodriguez is hoping for a monthly subscription.

Olly on Sophie

First impression?

Gorgeous. Stunning. Too sexy to be both a librarian and nurse, as her Tinder profile pics indicated her career choices to be.

How was conversation? 

She was guarded when I asked exactly what she does. I asked if she was hiding something and she replied that she could reveal everything if I wanted, which was reassuring. I just hoped she didn’t feel too exposed.

Memorable moments?

She was so hot that I asked where she saw this going and she showed me some link.

Favourite thing about Sophie? 

She’s very adaptable, based upon all the outfits. Flexible, too.

A capsule description? 

I’m pretty sure I spotted my mate Daryl in her Spring Break video.

Was there a spark? 

Not after I saw what Daryl was doing to her.

What happened afterwards? 

I did subscribe, but just to be supportive of an independent young businesswoman. And to see her naked.

What would you change about the evening? 

I thought I’d have to pay for her dinner, not her tits.

Will you see each other again?  

I expect to see more of her soon, yes.

Sophie on Olly

First impression?

Unattractive, tubby, bad breath, a bit rude. In short, perfect.

How was conversation? 

I had to lead and ask all the usual ‘getting to know you’ questions like ‘Do you have a credit card or PayPal?’, ‘Would you say you’re more into feet or lingerie content?’ and ‘How much would you pay to hear dirty talk from a woman dressed as Princess Diana?’

Memorable moments?

When he answered £37.50 to the last question.

Favourite thing about Olly? 

His strong wi-fi connection and the array of credit cards that I saw when he got his wallet out to buy the drinks.

A capsule description? 

I was impressed by his willingness to tip when he paid the bill. 

Was there a spark? 

Definitely, especially when he said those magic words every girl yearns to hear. ‘Do you do custom content?’

What happened afterwards? 

I made sure that he followed me online. It’s an important way for him to get to know me and show an interest in my life, hobbies and collection of Victorian riding crops.

What would you change about the evening? 

Nothing. And I’m happy to bounce nude on a spacehopper for the price we discussed.

Will you see each other again?  

I would like to have some hot direct messaging with him, in my guise as a lonely housewife called ‘Auntie Janet’.

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