subscribe
/ Sign Out

Politics

Britain hoping it doesn't vote Tory by mistake

THE UK is keeping its fingers crossed that it does not go blank in the voting booth and deliver a massive Conservative landslide out of habit.

Man voting for whoever 5G tells him to

A MAN is putting a cross next to the candidate he is commanded to by the 5G nanobots in his brainstem and bloodstream.

Dog at polling station wants to vote Reform

AN ADORABLE pup waiting for his owners to cast their democratic votes would be making his X for the far-right if he could.

'Just any sandwiches' clarifies Sunak

We ask you: are you planning to vote Conservative out of pity?

THE Conservatives are begging the electorate to restrict Labour’s majority so they can leave government without crying. Will you give them your pity vote?

Voters reminded of twat they hated

THE electorate has been forcibly reminded, by the Conservatives, of the Conservative prime minister who made them vow never to vote Conservative again.

Even lovely, lovely villages voting Labour

'You'll have to work less!' Seven hilarious Tory responses to their imminent oblivion

THE Tories have gone into full panic mode and started gibbering incoherently about everything from Banksy to the horror of a four-day week. But which unlikely threat is the most hilarious?

Britain has just seven days to save the Conservative party

'I have won all the debates and therefore the election'

WE have held debates, I won them all and they were on television. Everybody watched them and everybody will therefore vote for me or what was the point?