THE residents of a Surrey village swallowed by a sinkhole have accepted it is the Lord’s judgement upon them for returning a Conservative MP.
The people of Godstone, which sees another house vanish beneath the earth approximately every 14 minutes, searched their recent history for any occasion when they had angered God but did not have to search for long.
Resident Nathan Muir said: “We’re just a blameless little Surrey town, handy for Oxted and Caterham, both of which sound made-up. What’s our crime? Then I remembered.
“We act all rural and blameless but we elected a Tory who was in the Truss, Sunak and now Badenoch cabinets. The one who invented Labour doing a ‘meat tax’. And I guess now we’ve suffered the consequences.
“So if the maw of the earth opens and swallows us – there goes St Nicholas’s church, the big man means business – it’s not entirely undeserved. Still, we are just a small village of commuters placed temptingly close to a junction of the M25. Have mercy.
“It’s alright for those Red Wall constituencies. They strayed and were tempted but turned away. Meanwhile our homes, all of which have conservatories and loft extensions, are subterranean and that’s got to affect house prices.”
Hartlepool resident Ellie Shaw said: “Yes, we’ve only had 40-odd years of decline and deprivation up here. Still, sup with the Devil and all that.”
