NOBODY knows history better than me, the man who founded America. Here are some facts, great facts, that people often get wrong about the past:
The dinosaurs were killed by God’s wrath
Don’t listen to the lies of mainstream archaeologists. There was no asteroid, we all know there was no asteroid. The dinosaurs were smited by God’s divine fury, and we should all be so grateful to Him. It was a beautiful extinction. Truly beautiful. He killed the dinosaurs because they were trans. If you look in the Bible it says that, it says the dinosaurs were trans. Right before it says God created ghosts.
The Roman Empire fell because of DEI
The Roman Empire is the bigliest empire the world has ever seen, stretching all the way from Europe to Europe. And the Roman people, wow, they invented a lot of stuff. Lava lamps, they invented lava lamps. And they would have invented more if discriminatory diversity programmes pushed by the radical left didn’t destroy them overnight. That’s why I’m scrapping DEI, folks, or the same thing will happen to America.
Women never won any rights
It’s true, they never won them. Everyone thinks they did but they didn’t. That means every woman who’s ever voted or walked in public without a male escort has broken the law and should go to jail. It also means that if a man ever pays a woman hundreds of thousands of dollars in hush money then he’s technically not done anything wrong and you should just forget about it.
World War Two started when Poland invaded Germany
The cruel, warlike people of Poland forced Germany into a war that would engulf the world. They started by coercing the poor, defenceless Nazis into retaking Austria and the Sudetenland, and in their endless thirst for power they invaded Germany by moving into the Polish corridor. Poland could have made a deal that ended the war instantly, but instead they dragged it out over six devastating years. Sad story.
America was the first nation to land on the sun
Scientists said it couldn’t be done. They said it’s hot, the sun’s very hot. And bright too. But in 1969, brave American pioneers defied the odds and set foot on the sun’s shining surface. They even planted a flag which you can still see by looking directly at the sun, which is totally safe to do. You don’t need special glasses or anything, I do it all the time and it’s not affected me.
