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Politics

The last five people who might still like Keir Starmer

TRUMP has added Keir Starmer to his Losers’ List after the prime minister refused to let him use our bases for bombing. These are the last five people who may still like him.

Dodged a f**king bullet there, says Burnham

The Green Menace wants to IMPROVE your living standards and SAVE the planet

THE Green Party monsters currently threatening the country wants to sadistically improve your quality of life, we can reveal.

Getting elected with Muslim votes is illegal actually, sniffs Farage

NIGEL Farage has declared that in fact getting elected with the votes of brown Muslims rather than the white working classes is cheating.

Anyone calling Corbyn the leader of Your Party in for lengthy explanation

By-election to be seismic realignment of British politics if Reform or Greens win but unimportant if it's Labour

TODAY'S by-election in Gorton and Denton is to change British politics forever if Reform or the Greens win, but if Labour win does not matter.

By-election neck-and-neck between fascist right, radical left and useless f**kers

Mandelson detained in circle of chalk inscriptions and chicken blood

POLICE detained Peter Mandelson using a series of arcane magicks to prevent him from escaping to the netherworld from whence he came, they have confirmed.

'What is my crime? Forwarding emails? Forwarding a few harmless emails?'

PETER Mandelson has told police he cannot be charged with a crime for forwarding emails to a friend as this would make the whole white-collar world criminal.

Why this horrible bigot we interviewed at the bus stop represents every Gorton and Denton voter

WE kept looking. We refused to give up. And eventually we found the one unbelievably thick, nasty and prejudiced voter who reflects the views of all Gorton and Denton voters.