A SELECTION of British lunatics are claiming, in the face of all available evidence, that Friday’s events were good for the US and Ukraine. Hear them out:
Liz Truss, Britain’s briefest prime minister
“As I wrote in my book Ten Years To Save The West, the threats we face are the civil service blob, radical Islam, a productivity crisis and wokeism. Nowhere on that list does Russia appear, therefore it is not a threat, therefore Trump was right to dismiss it. It’s almost as if Zelensky hasn’t read my book. But surely he must have.”
Boris Johnson, experienced maker of wildly contrasting promises
“Ukraine was one of the three triumphs of my premiership, along with vaccines and marrying a much younger woman, so it’s time we all remembered Ukraine and the US are on the same side. And all that requires is to ignore inconvenient facts and evidence as we should have done during Partygate. Don’t let’s get it wrong again.”
Nigel Farage, demagogue and 2014 president of Putin’s Pals fan club (UK branch)
“I love two men very much. One to the West, one to the East, both stern, commanding and in control of frankly enormous slush funds. But now, for my country, I will pretend to disagree with them both while claiming that somehow Brexit is a positive in this situation? Has any man ever been more patriotic? Frankly I doubt it.”
Suella Braverman, Reform MP from 2027-2029
“I’m not even English. I don’t even know why I’m allowed to stay here. I would deport myself if it wasn’t a crime that I have a blue British passport. I have no right to pronounce on the foreign policy of any country, given that I am a citizen of none. But Trump is incapable of doing anything that is not incomparably brilliant.”
Laurence Fox, formerly employed traitor
“Are you going to fight on the frontline in the Donbas? Well? Are you? And your children, and your grandparents, and your dog? Have you sold your house and everything you own to buy arms? Because if you haven’t then you have no right to even discuss the war. That’s how I’m shutting this one down.”
