Politics

YOU are Kemi Badenoch and the microphones are hot. Can you manage a whole hour without spouting lunatic nonsense?

THERE are fewer than 122 of them left in the Houses of Parliament. Their pet newspapers go unread. Nobody even notices their sex scandals.

ANYONE who knows they are, or suspects they may become, a woman should plan ahead financially to avoid inconveniencing men, Kemi Badenoch has asserted.

WES Streeting has admitted that when touching cloth in Covent Garden he would often call into Lord Alli’s penthouse flat to defecate.

THE prime minister showed his rabid anti-Semitism yesterday by saying ‘sausages’ instead of ‘hostages’. He would screw up these speeches from history in similar fashion.

THE prime minister has promised there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is that he will cease being a penny-pinching prick before the next election.

A TALL, finely-boned and well-spoken young gentleman from a smart family has heckled Rachel Reeves over Gaza.

THE multi-millionaire Lord Alli has asked why he should not give his Labour party pets the best in clothes and apartments.