By Nigel Farage, Reform UK leader and member for Clacton
AMERICA’S a bit of a no-go. Europe hates me. Best not mention Russia. It seems it is time to dedicate myself to the good people of Clacton.
Yes, when your political career has, through no fault of your own, taken a few unexpected turns and all your positives become negatives, there’s always your constituency to fall back on. I feel like a Tory caught in a sex scandal! ‘My wife’s standing by me’!
First my long-expressed admiration for Putin rebounds on me, which is unfair. I just liked him in a manly, gay-persecuting, no-nonsense approach to political opposition kind of a way. I never liked Salisbury Nerve Agent Putin or Invasion Putin.
And then Trump – who I went to great efforts to associate myself with, often against his will – becomes a political liability. And because of Putin! What are the chances? And here’s me, stuck in the middle with the British people.
Even my photo opportunity with Musk didn’t work out. He was going to give me £100 million to win the next election, but unfortunately he’s been corrupted by far-right propaganda online. Such a shame when that happens.
So here I am with five MPs under a left-wing government, American an enemy, Brexit a dirty word, the whole country locked into economic and military co-operation with Europe for years to come. Almost as if everything I worked for has vanished.
But then I remembered. Clacton! They still believe in me there. They don’t pay attention to geopolitics. And technically, as their MP, I actually have a job to do!
So if my constituents need me I’ll be in the Moon and Starfish on the seafront, in the smoking area, with a pint. Clacton. So it’s come to this.
