NEW bloke moved in next door? Have his secretive ways caused you to suspect he’s running a narcotics empire from the other half of the semi? Find out:
What makes you suspicious?
A) I’m naturally suspicious, while is why I’m chair and sole member of our Neighbourhood Watch scheme and regularly in contact with the local constabulary. Though they demand a bit too much evidence for my liking. ‘Arrest them, then get the evidence,’ I say.
B) He seems foreign and I’m no xenophobe but well, most of them are, aren’t they?
Do they have frequent visitors?
A) I’ve been keeping a log. Some days there’s no-one, but other days there might be three or four groups calling in. Last Wednesday, for instance, there were visitors at 11.23am, 2,17pm, 4.43pm and 6.31pm. He won’t get away with this.
B) No, but these drug barons are clever, I’ve seen it on Breaking Bad. He probably gets away with it by running a legitimate business as a front.
Are there unusual odours coming from the property?
A) Yes, sometimes, though I struggle to put my finger on it. You know how someone else’s house smells different? Like that.
B) Yes, of foreign food. Curry, Chinese five spice, even garlic. All of which are virtually inedible, so are only being cooked to hide the distinctive whiff of a heroin processing factory.
What car does he drive?
A) A black BMW, tinted windows, personalised registration plate. He claims to have a position in finance, which corresponds with his LinkedIn and employment records, so he’s gone to some effort to set up his cover.
B) A buggered old Toyota Corrolla. Clearly a front for his illegal activities. Leaves at 7.45am and home by 6pm, Monday to Friday. Those are dealers’ hours.
Answers:
Mostly As: You’ve got this county lines monster bang to rights. His nefarious narcotic activities are proven beyond doubt, except to the police. You’ll have to take the law into your own hands by tutting and being slightly unfriendly.
Mostly Bs: It would seem your neighbour is not technically a drug dealer but he remains under suspicion of being foreign. And we claim to have got Brexit done.
