TOO many April Fool’s Day pranks are lame and predictable. These push the envelope and take your joking to the next level:
Loosen the nuts on their car wheels
Sneak out before the commute and unscrew their wheel nuts, then wait for your victim to try to drive away. All their wheels will fall off and they’ll be sitting there like a circus clown! Or they’ll be in intensive care after causing a multi-car pile-up on a dual carriageway. Either way – APRIL FOOL!
Spray ‘PAEDO’ on their house
Scrawl this on your victim’s home in the dead of night, not forgetting ‘NONCE SCUM’ and ‘ROT IN HELL!’. It’s even funnier because they’ll have to pay a commercial cleaning firm to get it removed as a matter of urgency. Luckily Britain has sane and rational views about sex offenders, so suspicion won’t hang over them for the rest of their life.
Put dogshit in a paper bag and light it
A classic: place a sizeable dog turd, obtainable from any XL Bully, in a paper bag, douse liberally in lighter fluid, tie to a petrol-filled bottle, light and throw through any window. Watch as they stamp it out and get dogshit everywhere! If they’re home.
Tell them Dick Van Dyke has died
Even the hardest heart will break on learning the 99-year-old star of Mary Poppins and inventor of the cockney accent has died. Once they’ve fallen for it perhaps saying ‘That’s a shame, I loved that film as a kid’ shout ‘April Fool!’ Check Wikipedia to make sure he’s still alive first.
Herpes prank call
The key is sounding official. Call from the genitourinary department of a local hospital, where you’re treating a former sexual partner who can’t be named due to patient confidentiality. Advise them they have a painful, sexually transmitted condition for life. Just don’t give the game away by bursting into laughter!
Balance a bucket of raw sewage on a door
Dennis the Menace was always doing this with water, so using faeces will be even funnier. Get your untreated sewage from any water company – they’ve got a surplus – break into your victim’s home and balance carefully. A bucket of excrement is heavy and could cause concussion or a spinal injury, so it’s two pranks for the price of one.
Snake in a Pringles tube
Place a mattress spring at the bottom of a Pringles tube and force in as many venomous snakes as you can. When your victim opens it they’ll fly out and give them a fright! Or the snakes may be dead. A tube full of mutilated reptile corpses is still surprising, though, so it counts.
