FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, goes hardcore roadman after being ridiculed by someone who has met the real thing.

FAM! Early dis week a bruv bangs hinto Active J on him’s way to da hastroturf at break wiv mandem crew, an’ starts dissin’ man habout bein’ a fake roadman. You wot, bruv? 

Active J sed him ‘ad better hexplain wastemanself hyper-quick, or we is in a deep beef ting, innit.

Da bruv woz hultra-posh, an’ him woz weird coz him woz learnin’ all da school stuff wiv da books, innit. Bruv woz lookin’ down on Active J an’ mandem crew, sayin’ him’s fam is from da island of Jam-maker, or summink, an’ dat is where da real roadmans is from.

Him’s sed da Jam-maker bruvs are da hauthentic roadmans, coz dem’s speak creole patois, dat’s where da hinglish roadman’s language and dialect derives from, innit. Wot? Him’s sed da proper Jam-maker roadman crews don’t hang on da hastroturf, vapin’ an’ doin’ TikToks, dem is bare hard badmen dat goes by dem’s brand muggle names.

Dat got man finkin’, coz Active J is da king of da hastroturf roadmen an’ gyaldem, den maybe Active J should try to be a hauthentic nang roadman, like da posh boy sed. Man trawled da hinternet lookin’ for hauthentic Jam-maker drip an’ scored bigtime.

So yesterday man flexed swag on da hastroturf hafter school swaggin’ a non-brand top, shorts, cap an’ sliders wiv da matchin’ Jam-maker flag on heveryfink. An’ man sed for him’s crew to now call man Badman Josh. Mandem crew woz shook, den dem’s started wiv da jokes an’ doin’ dissin’ TikToks. Badman Josh woz turbo-vexed, fam.

Da next day Miss Jackson heard habout heveryfink. Miss Jackson is hultra-peng an’ her told Badman Josh dat her fam woz from da Jam-maker island too, innit. An’ her sed Badman Josh shouldn’t try an’ be like a real Jam-maker roadman. Badman Josh should just be himself, innit, coz man is a privileged white boy wiv a massive detached crib. So man sed fank you, Miss, dat means so much.

So when man next sees da posh bruv hagain, man sed him’s doesn’t need to be a hauthentic Jam-maker roadman, Active J is keepin’ it real on da streets of him’s own country hestate.

An’ when Active J is a world-famous gangsta rapper him will wear hauthentic drip when bustin’ tunes in Jam-maker. An’ it’s too cold to be wivout a puffer jacket an’ trainers in Hingland. Da posh bruv woz wivout words, fam.

So Active J is just back from TK Maxx, swaggin’ head-to-toe in boxfresh drip, sharp as a razor, fam. An’ man is headin’ for da hastroturf wiv packs of Monster an’ hassorted fruity vapes for mandem crew. Active J is back, fam. Gassed! Gassed! Gassed!