Work

HI, [INSERT NAME HERE], I came across your LinkedIn profile and thought you would be a great fit to make me look like I’ve got a wealth of candidates. Here’s how I’ll screw you over.

A SWEET, delusional man expects his 40-hour a week job to cover not only rent but utility bills and food, he has admitted.

A DEVIOUS manager has heaped praise on his staff only because he knows it will motivate them to double their efforts.

A RELAXED, fashionable office of high-earning professionals kept at a breezy 21 degrees is being watched jealously from the pavement outside.

A LIFEGUARD at a public swimming pool senses that the time may have finally come for him to perform an action that is neither sitting, standing or walking.

A TEENAGER is shattered after a full day of imagining what a full day at work would be like.

A TEENAGER in her first job was shocked to be remunerated for her efforts, having assumed it was part of a grand scheme to make her life miserable.

YOUR lunch break is a golden hour of freedom from a long day as a corporate drone, except when the wankers you work with take it from you.