Lifestyle

MANAGED to escape your kids for two minutes? Congratulations. Here is how you will squander your precious free time.

DO you have a comfortable life and own lots of lovely things? Here's how to make constant, unnecessary middle-class excuses for it all.

LOOKING to top up your tan during the heatwave? Get ready to be inflicted with these ridiculous tan lines.

THE government can say what it likes: every Briton knows that cannabis is Class C and crack cocaine is Class A. Here’s how it actually works.

KNOW-IT-ALLS armed with tedious trivia are everywhere. Hippos kill more people than lions, you can’t lick your own elbow, and so on. Here are five facts we wish we’d heard less times. Or should that be ‘fewer’?

CHILD-FREE people are often told they’ll regret their choice by parents who seem to regret theirs. Here are the things they say that actually apply to them.

LANDLORDS are always looking for new ways to act like pricks. Here are some shit excuses they’ll give for keeping your deposit.

STILL pretending London is wonderful and you’re glad you live here? In this weather? Convince no-one by claiming to enjoy these activities.

A BARBER has photos of outdated fades and awful styles in its window to attract customers.

PHOTOS of you from the past make everyone laugh because you look like a total idiot, it has been confirmed.