Lifestyle

OFF to sunny climes completely not expecting it to piss it down? These unfulfilling emergency pastimes will take your mind off knowing you could be in Britain for free.

MILLIONS of Britons have agreed to end the misery of painfully awkward occasional conversations with their neighbours.

YET another woman with a successful corporate job is leaving to follow her ludicrous middle-class passion.

A MAN has opted for agonising sunburn after concluding that a male friend applying sun cream would be gay.

LONG-TERM unemployment means playing the long game. And while all you suckers have been buying houses, cars and holidays, my grift has paid off big-time.

A 52-YEAR-OLD man has admitted he cannot purchase anything costing upwards of £99 online unless sitting soberly in front of a laptop computer.

MY sex problem is incredibly shocking and also hot, but to read about it in today’s Daily Mail you’ll have to click on the link. Do it now – there might be tits and cocks!

LONDONERS tired of Manchester’s arrogant attitude and its residents’ belief the world revolves around them are keen to remind it that other places exist.

A PROFESSIONAL tarot reader has a sixth sense that her client’s life is in disarray because she is putting her life choices in the hands of a stranger with a pack of cards.