Lifestyle

A WOMAN has sprung out of bed spontaneously filled with a primal disgust for every garment in her wardrobe and the compulsion to replace them.

NICK Clegg has left Meta and will fancy going to the pub once he's back in the UK. But after austerity and tuition fees he’s not too popular, so would you mind going as a favour?

TELEPHONE calls are rarely made by anyone except annoying twerps these days, and for good reason. Here’s why.

ACROSS the country, adults are realising that once given more than four days off in a row they run out of things to do and visit garden centres.

A MOTHER of three is trying to set the right cover charge for tomorrow’s Christmas dinner with her family.

A MILLENNIAL unable to afford a car or house deposit is barely able to cover the cost of his all-over ink, he has confirmed.

THE most wonderful time of the year is upon us, and you’ll be spending it trapped in a room with a person you abhor. Who is your Yuletide nemesis?

DECIDED to f**k up everyone else’s Christmas by having a wedding? You probably think these other things are a great idea too.

WOMEN are fully aware there are sprigs of mistletoe strategically placed over doorways and are deliberately disregarding them, it has emerged.