NICK Clegg has left Meta and will fancy going to the pub once he’s back in the UK. But after austerity and tuition fees he’s not too popular, so would you mind going as a favour?
Emma Bradford, sales manager: “I suppose it’s better than watching Casualty. He’s paying for all the drinks though. Actually I want a meal. And he’s not allowed to talk to me while I’m eating.”
Jack Browne, management consultant: “Can he bring his wife Miriam? I think we all know she can do a lot better. Maybe Nick could just sit in the car with some crisps?”
Oliver O’Connor, teacher: “I’m up for it. I’d love to find out how you can make millions from a non-job with a weird nerd whose dodgy business is based on sneakily harvesting personal data. And if I have to wank Zuckerberg off I am totally fine with that.”
Wayne Hayes, delivery driver: “I think people fail to appreciate that Clegg tried to make a meaningful, lasting change via proportional representation, and may simply have underestimated the cynicism of his Tory ‘partners’. Although being an insipid, spineless, shit-munching nonentity didn’t help, obviously.”
Susan Traherne, aerobics instructor: “I’d like to help, but I don’t think it’s really my responsibility. Can’t he go for a drink with Ed Davey? I doubt that Lib Dem wanker’s got any friends either.”
