TELEPHONE calls are rarely made by anyone except annoying twerps these days, and for good reason. Here’s why.
Messaging exists
Why phone someone when you could text them? Or send them a WhatsApp message? Or hit them up on Snapchat? Or contact them via Facebook Messenger? There’s a dizzying array of messaging options. Alternatively you can bellow at full volume in a train carriage to prove you’re a big swinging dick in the business world, when actually you’re a middle-management nobody from Swansea.
The signal is always crap
Smartphones are incredible pieces of technology which sadly have yet to crack the ability to make a clear call that does not drop out every 30 seconds. Even the briefest of chats involves you straining to listen to a muffled voice while you shout at the caller to speak up and say that again. Hopefully the next iPhone will do away with the useless calling feature altogether, much like the headphone jack. Haha, remember how you used to have wires coming out of your head like a 1970s sci-fi android?
They’re really inconvenient
Messages respect your time. They pop up on your phone and let you reply at your leisure, or not at all if you feel like ghosting your ex. Meanwhile phone calls are the equivalent of someone dropping in unannounced and barging into your living room to grill you about something you’re unprepared for. And if you don’t pick up somehow you’re the rude one.
There’s barely anything worth talking about
Most telephone conversations could easily be boiled down to a swift exchange of information. Not even the most salacious bit of gossip merits hours of yapping, and don’t let your conversation-starved partner try to convince you otherwise. And if a work task is that complicated, like building a suspension bridge, maybe it merits meeting in person? Emergency 999 calls are the obvious exception, but even then you could shave off a couple of minutes by not banging on about the victim not breathing.
Everyone’s riddled with anxiety
Mainly due to dickheads bombarding them with telephone calls. Are they going to get fired or dumped if they pick up? Nobody knows. And it’s not until they’ve sat through a rambling conversation about sales figures or what to pick up from Sainsbury’s for dinner and hung up that they know they’re in the clear. Alexander Graham Bell has a lot to answer for, and not just his eugenicist leanings.
