Lifestyle

THINK how easy life would be if you didn’t feel the need to be even slightly tidy. Nikki Hollis, who ‘doesn’t see mess’, explains how to achieve this state of nirvana.

RAISED on the Famous Five’s long summers of sunshine, mouthwatering picnics and foiling a smuggling ring? How did it compare to your miserable reality?

BETTER than everyone else, but still using their grubby tradesmen’s idioms? Indulge in these middle-class rewrites instead.

A FATHER on an outing with his kids is beginning to worry after not shelling out a fortune on crap for several minutes.

ARE you an obnoxious middle class prick keen to be superior to your friends? Then take these to their picnic.

A BEE hotel hanging from a tree at the bottom of a garden has received a brutal review on Tripadvisor, it has emerged.

AFTER using a train bathroom, a male passenger is bitterly lamenting his decision not to sit down to piss.

PRESIDENT Erdoğan of Turkey is such a masculine boss man that he made Putin wait 50 seconds before shaking his hand. What other tiny-penised power moves could he have used?

ADVICE to stay at home in the heatwave has been ignored by insufferable twats migrating in search of air-con. Here’s where you’ll find them.

NOBODY understands how hard it is to maintain standards when you’re middle-class in an awful vulgar heatwave. Francesca Johnson explains her relatable issues:.