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Mum wants to know if you're really wearing that

YOUR mum has asked if you think wearing that outfit in public is a good idea, indicating that she does not.

Having assessed your attire with a withering gaze, your mum would also like to know if you would consider changing into any of the ill-fitting, uncomfortable and ugly clothes she has purchased for you over the years.

She said: “I was only asking, there’s no need to get angry. I thought you would be grateful for unsolicited, passive-aggressive advice that undermines your life choices. Clearly not.

“There’s no harm in expressing yourself through fashion, but have you ever wondered if your wardrobe is the root cause of your barren love life and dim career prospects? It keeps me up with worry every night.

“Maybe you’re right and I should trust your judgement. After all, you’re in your mid-thirties and still living with your parents whereas all your friends have got married and had kids, so it’s clearly serving you well so far.”

After disapproving of the half-dozen alternatives you changed into, she added: “Maybe you were right the first time. Those other outfits look hideous on you.”

The Rings of Power: Six things to piss off fans by getting wrong

WATCHING Amazon’s Lord of the Rings spin-off with a fan? Have some fun annoying them by making these deliberate mistakes.

Ask which character is young Voldemort

The Rings of Power is set before the events of The Lord of the Rings, and follows a young Voldemort as he tries to construct an alethiometer that will destroy Middle-earth. Or at least that’s the situation as you pretend to understand it. But which character will become You-Know-Who? Pester your fan friend every two minutes with this important question.

Point out that everything is borrowed from Game of Thrones

You never really got into the Lord of the Rings franchise because it’s a derivative copy of George R. R. Martin’s epic fantasy novels. Tolkien lifted everything from dragons, dwarfs and gratuitous orgies from the Game of Thrones universe, and you haven’t got the energy to become invested in another series that will inevitably end terribly.

Use incorrect terminology

Is the lead character an elf, a halfling or a muggle? There are so many fictional universes these days it’s hard to keep track. Start small by making believable mistakes, then gradually incorporate other genres until your friend’s sanity snaps. By the last episode you should be asking if Sauron was defeated by the Space Marines or Carmen Sandiego.

Mistake it for a Lord of the Rings sequel

Ignore all the publicity that says The Rings of Power is a prequel, and instead insist that it’s set after the events of The Hobbit, which itself came after The Lord of the Rings trilogy. This means you can ask why Frodo, Sam, and all the other Borrowers haven’t made a cameo. It’s a bit rude really, you’d have thought they’d ask Daniel Radcliffe to reprise his role as the Ring-bearer.

Remind them that they’re a bit too old for this

The Rings of Power is obviously a very mature series about a bunch of pointy-eared people skipping around with swords and fighting orcs. Television doesn’t get any more adult than that. Wind up your nerd pal by suggesting it’s actually aimed at prepubescent losers who make a D&D players look cool, even though nothing could be further from the truth.

Say the Great Eagles could have fixed everything in five minutes

Amaze and annoy your fan friend by pointing out that the Great Eagles, who everyone knows were the messengers and spies of Manwë, could have picked up the One Ring, flown over Mordor and dropped it in Mount Doom in a matter of minutes. There’s undoubtedly an in-universe explanation for this plot hole, but it’s definitely bollocks.

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