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35-year-old who never left home sees all his life choices vindicated

A 35-YEAR-OLD who never moved out of his parents’ house is pleased to see the economy confirm all his choices were the right ones.

Tom Logan is enjoying seeing all his peers with mortgages and children panicking about how they will afford to live while his lifestyle will remain unchanged.

He said: “Who’s the failure now, dickheads? And who’s sitting pretty having made none of the wrong moves?

“Mortgage payments going up? Not here. Mum and dad paid it off in 2006. Bills unaffordable? No problem when you pay a third of them based on 2020-levels. Inflation? I’ll bung the olds an extra tenner a week for the big shop.

“Worried about losing your fancy job? Should have stuck with working at Domino’s like I did. They could sack me tomorrow, I wouldn’t fuss. There’s plenty of minimum-wage positions out there.

“Sorry you can’t afford your kids’ nursery. I can afford to get new PS5 games as soon as they’re out. Sorry you can’t run a car. I can afford to sink six pints down the pub every night. Looks like the last laugh’s on you.”

Friend Martin Bishop said: “He’s still a f**king loser. But currently I am struggling to explain how.”

Coat in window of London charity shop costs 95 f**king quid

A PRE-OWNED coat in the window of a London charity shop is being sold at a price higher than new coats retail for.

The offending second-hand jacket from Reiss brought passers by to a standstill as they assumed it must be a mistake or a sick joke made by staff at a British Heart Foundation in Clapham.

Coat admirer Francesca Johnson said: “It’s clean, in good condition, looks like it’s barely been worn. But 95 quid? You’re having a f**king laugh.

“I could buy my entire winter wardrobe from Primark for that and still have money to spare. I wouldn’t of course because I’m not proletariat scum, but my point stands.”

Onlooker Kelly Howard said: “I shouldn’t be surprised, really. People who work in charity shops get a massive buzz from watching us try to contain our horror as we check price tags. They’re sadistic freaks like that.”

Volunteer Mary Fisher said: “We’re in this for the money, not the moral high ground. If you can’t afford it, piss off to Zara where you belong. I’m sure they’ve got some cheap rags to suit your limited means.”

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