Lifestyle

IF you live in Southend, Sunderland or another of the UK’s vibrant, bustling hellholes, it’s vital everyone thinks you live in ‘the good bit’. Whether it actually exists or not. Here’s how to convince them.

AIRBNBS are rapidly becoming less of a cheap holiday solution and more of a party house nightmare for the neighbours. So what are the dickheads next to you up to?

MANUFACTURERS of high-end lingerie are hoping customers do not notice that nudity is not only better but cheaper.

A MAN who has completed a domestic chore has purchased a 96-sheet advertising billboard in central Birmingham to tell the world.

IS your friend, colleague or spouse looking suspiciously as if they have briefly experienced bliss? Any of these signs could mean they have had a wank.

WHAT transparent lies are you telling yourself to justify the necessary shortcuts to get through another week of parenting?

DO you live in one of the hundreds of British towns neither irredeemably shit nor especially good? Is mediocrity the best you can hope for?

THE position and strength of their hairline is secretly a constant source of dread for every single man, it has been confirmed.

A GENERATION of ravers are now a generation of middle-aged fathers passing on their hard-earned clubbing wisdom to their children. This is their advice.

WANT to ruin your whole family’s weekend by being a dick about doing your homework? Here’s how.