Lifestyle

LEGIONS of self-congratulatory wankers who spent last week in sun-soaked domestic locations have returned to work to preen about it.

THE country way of life is more relaxed than the big city. But let's be brutally honest, some of their simple peasant traditions are weird. Like these.

DRIVERS of unnecessarily large cars are all hiding crippling insecurity and self-loathing. But what precise flavour of trauma does their dickish behaviour mask?

A PAIR of scrimping bellends are holding their wedding on a Friday, which is cheaper for them but incredibly inconvenient for their guests.

A WOMAN who has invented a system of storing items known only to her is furious at her family for not following it.

A MAN is struggling to enjoy the gorgeous sunny weather because he is having to ignore all of its many awful side effects.

A NAN has told her grandson that she expects a nice postcard from his stag weekend in Amsterdam.

BREASTS. Sometimes they should be exposed, sometimes not, and there are many grey areas. Let’s look at the pros and cons in a variety of situations.

WOODBURNING stoves cause asthma and particulate emissions, but what else are they getting up to while you're not looking, ruining your perfect middle-class life?

GREETINGS card manufacturers think men are simple creatures akin to amoebas. Here are the six very basic categories they fall into.