Lifestyle

A Kings of Leon cover band in the pub: Things that pass for entertainment in the sticks

ONCE you leave a major city or town, the level of entertainment on offer falls off a cliff. Here’s what people in the middle of nowhere have to pretend to enjoy because it’s that or a Harvest Festival.

Baselessly labelling people 'nonces' voted UK's favourite hobby

SUGGESTING without evidence that anyone you do not like is a paedophile is Britain's favourite pastime, it has been confirmed.

Sexy knickers giving sexy lady sexy itchy crotch

A HOT lady has been made all the more attractive with some silky pants that she has to constantly readjust due to them being f**king uncomfortable.

Wanker who works in marketing disturbingly thinks you have similar jobs

A WANKER with his wanky job selling a whole lot of wank somehow thinks that his wankology bears some resemblance to your job.

Wearing a university sweatshirt, and other ways to announce you’re not as smart as you think you are

WANT to brag about your intelligence while showing actual smart people your true idiocy? Try one of these failsafe ways.

A flower arch, and five other things that will date your wedding horribly

ALL couples think their wedding is utterly special and unique, but all they’ve done is choose ways to date it horribly. Like these.

Six reasons your town's summer carnival will be utter bollocks

TOWNS across the UK are holding traditional summer carnivals which should have died out with the medieval peasants who invented them. Here's why yours will be a huge bag of shite.

Nation's women reminded they have legs and they hate them

WOMEN across the country are remembering that they have legs – and f**king loathe them – due to the return of sunny weather.

How to persuade your uncool children to take up vaping

ARE your kids a bit too nerdy for your liking? Get them to take up vaping like the cool children. Here are some tips that will have them puffing away in no time.

Rioting, and other things the French are just better at

THE French love a good riot, we like a good moan. Sadly, despite us winning WW2 and a football match in 1966, France is just better at some stuff, whether it’s pastries or perfume.