Lifestyle

TOWNS across the UK are holding traditional summer carnivals which should have died out with the medieval peasants who invented them. Here's why yours will be a huge bag of shite.

WOMEN across the country are remembering that they have legs – and f**king loathe them – due to the return of sunny weather.

ARE your kids a bit too nerdy for your liking? Get them to take up vaping like the cool children. Here are some tips that will have them puffing away in no time.

THE French love a good riot, we like a good moan. Sadly, despite us winning WW2 and a football match in 1966, France is just better at some stuff, whether it’s pastries or perfume.

ACTUAL luxury is unaffordable in Rishi’s Britain unless you’re Rishi. The rest of us have to make do with these minor thrills.

YOUR kids love spending time with you, regardless of the activity, so why not weaponise their naive enthusiasm into useful child labour by making these tasks seem fun?

A WOMAN has racked up the maximum number of likes possible by cramming all the big hitters into one photo, it has emerged.

THE front of you looks halfway decent, but you don’t know what’s going on at the back because you can’t see it. Here’s what you’re unwittingly inflicting on others.

WHETHER beating sun, hammering rain or storms of insects, campers deserve it, Britain has agreed.

A MAN’S trip to the toilet is a huge expanse of time in which monumental events can happen. Including these.