A GROUP of freshers are listening to advice from their 22-year-old resident adviser as though it were the wisdom of ages past.
Wide-eyed and amazed, the 18-year-olds have gathered at the feet of the worldly Jack Browne, who has lived so long he has completed an entire degree, so he can impart his invaluable insights.
Lucy Parry said: “He knows so much. None of us had any idea what drink deals were available at which nightclubs on weekday evenings, but Jack does.
“He passed on to us the ancient knowledge of campus bars are best for coke, that you can get caught streaming porn on the halls wifi, and when the Sainsburys Local down the road puts the yellow stickers out. He’s a legend.”
But housemate Ryan Whittaker said: “I question this so-called sage. He spent ten minutes recommending a fried chicken shop that gives him free colesaw, though he then admitted it only happened once and it might have been an accident.
“He has nothing to teach us. His time is gone. He should be slaughtered, and his room on the corridor given to someone young and hot, not this relic of the past. He should die so we can live.”
Parry said: “Actually it is creepy having someone so old about. Let’s go with your plan.”
