Lifestyle

GCSEs: Should you just f**k them off and hang out with your mates?

GCSE exams begin on Monday, but should you revise or not bother because a worthless bit of paper won’t determine your life? Here 16-year-old rebel Ryan Whittaker gives his advice.

Kickers, and other contraband school uniform you wore to look hard

FORBIDDEN by the authorities, inspected by teachers, these were the uniform of the playground’s top dogs.

Six bastards with the audacity to knock on your door unexpectedly

YOUR front door isn’t for people to come knocking on, but apparently these bastards didn’t get the memo.

Spontaneous combustion: six minor genetic problems of your pedigree dog

WILD claims that pedigree dog breeding affects the animals health are nonsense, of course, but you may notice these minor quirks in your Kennel Club champion.

A thicket of chest hair, and other things considered sexy on 1970s men

THE 1970s were, it was believed at the time, a sexy decade. This is what got you laid when T. Rex roamed the charts.

The six stages of every man's wanking routine

WHEN it comes to acts of self abuse, men are all creatures of habit. These are the six stages they will follow when treating themselves to a hand shandy.

Five obvious signs some bastard's raided the fridge

YOU only went shopping today, but most of your food has already mysteriously disappeared. Here are five telltale signs some git has been foraging through your fridge.

Airfix models and other things that make men broody

THE sight of a baby does not make a man want to have a baby. However, there are certain triggers which set their biological clocks ticking.

How to get maximum wanker points from flying business class

FLYING business class means nothing unless people you went to school with a decade ago know about it. Here’s how to broadcast your briefly exalted status.

Women wear heels to sound like a little trotting horse, study reveals

WOMEN have confirmed they only cram their feet into tall pointy shoes is so they can make a delightful clip-clop sound as they walk.