International

A POPULATION known only as ‘non-Britons’ is also fleeing from the fires currently engulfing Rhodes, it has emerged.

TO Americans, Britain is Buckingham Palace, Stonehenge and Hogwarts. To maintain the illusion they should avoid these locations.

MIDDLE-CLASS holidaymakers in Sardinia are cooking huevos rancheros on the baking-hot tiles outside their villa, it has emerged.

THE slavering parasite of the Commonwealth Games is looking for a new host to bleed dry, it has confirmed.

BRITONS in Spain are to fight 45-degree heatwaves by drinking up to 45 pints a day.

MORNING. Have nice weekend? Mine good too. Caught up with mates and went on day trip. Low key vibes, you know?

THE Wagner Group of mercenaries, withdrawn from Ukraine after a brief mutiny, has arrived at a North Yorkshire caravan park for a fortnight’s break.

BILLIONAIRE media magnate, AC Milan’s saviour, prime minister and certainly never involved in the Mafia, Trump and Johnson are mere pale imitations of me.

A DOG loudly reprimanded for its misbehaviour is gazing up in total incomprehension of what it could possibly have done wrong.

ON holiday, are you? Sharing the joy with friends back home who grit their teeth and post an amazed emoji at this predictable bullshit?