BIBI here. Sometimes we all have to forego a foreign holiday, whether for budgetary reasons or being charged with war crimes. Here’s how to enjoy a ‘staycation’ just as much:
Visit Center Parcs
Israel has Center Parcs too, although I try to avoid it as I only have a personal worth of $12 million so it is a little rich for my blood. However with Europe off-limits I may have little option than to share a hot tub with my son’s mother-in-law, who gets grabby. As long as I stay off the archery I’ll be fine.
A narrowboat in Haifa
I’ve always been a fan of Great Canal Journeys on your otherwise deeply anti-Semitic Channel 4. Nothing personal, we say that about everything that right now. Chugging slowly along canals seems so relaxing but we don’t have any so it’ll have to be Haifa. Is a busy international seaport ideal for watching curlews and herons? Not especially. But it has water.
Camping in the Negev Desert
Is there a healthier holiday than camping? Just you, your tent, your camping stove and 5,000 square miles of sand and rocks. Maybe the odd Roman ruin, which nobody can blame on me or the IDF, and temperatures range from constant, scorching, suffocating heat to frostbite-inducing -23°C so there’s plenty of variety.
Tefen Industrial Park
No UK holiday, I hear, is complete without being dragged around a dull museum explaining a long-outdated manufacturing process. And as I am unable to visit the Derwent Pencil Museum as it is staked out by the International Criminal Court, this will have to do. Look grandchildren, this is how they make solid-state memory.
Glamping
Like camping, but permanent. Positive settlement vibes from that. At my age I could do without sleeping in a yurt, teepee or bubble dome, but Disneyland Paris isn’t a good idea right now. Being arrested by an Interpol officer disguised as Goofy would be undignified.
Luxury spa weekend at the King David Hotel
Massively overpriced to sit by a swimming pool with a rejuvenating mask on but preferable to four years of ping-pong with African warlords while waiting for trial. Plus this is where we bombed the British colonial occupiers all those decades ago for freedom. Expensive, but I’m saving on excess baggage charges for the foreseeable.
