International

ISRAEL has officially recognised Cornwall as an independent country and its cream teas as superior to all others, it has informed the UK.

THE president has departed so we can cease pretending adoration and get out all those things we’d tided away, like our consciences. What are you returning to view?

LIKE a simpleminded Daily Express reader, Trump advised Starmer to use the military to stop asylum seekers. He also proffered the following advice.

ON day two of president Trump’s state visit to the UK, he and his party are boarding a coach for a trip to York’s Jorvik Viking Centre.

THE politically-motivated killing of a controversial figure requires careful handling. Unfortunately Trump is president. Here are the woefully inappropriate ways he’ll react.

A CHAMPION of guns has been shot dead by a gun in the land of guns, and 4,000 miles away these British right-wing figureheads are making it all about them.

DIPLOMACY is tough. You need people who get on perfectly with their hosts while always putting your interests first. People who can fit in anywhere. People like Peter Mandelson.

DID you find great comfort this weekend in imagining president Trump was incapacitated or deceased? Why stop? Here’s how to always believe it.