Health

YOUR dentist is disgusted to hear that rather than living off a diet of toothpaste you have been befouling your mouth with food and drink.

A STUNNING woman has posted a revealing photograph of herself in her bra and knickers to remind heffalumps to be positive about their bodies.

A WOMAN is mortified after being told of all the wild shit she pulled while tripping on a post-cardio rush of endorphins.

SAJID Javid here, veteran of many cabinets. I’ve stepped forward as the f**khead suggesting you pay £20 to see your GP. Here’s how the profitable Tory NHS will work.

FITBITS? Couch to 5K apps? Bollocks to that. Get in shape the 1970s way through everyday hardship for f**k-all reward.

A NURSE has admitted that she has plenty of money to buy groceries but loves the vibe down at the food bank so visits three times a week.

ARE you just so worried about the state of the NHS you’re considering the unthinkable, like privatising it? Here’s how to show it.

A BORING bastard is finding not drinking or eating animal products for a month exceptionally easy because of his personal qualities.

IGNORE my millions everyone, because I’m just like you guys and definitely use the NHS all the time. Here’s my step-by-step guide to getting a GP appointment.

A LACK of ambulance drivers sounds bad, but have you considered these upsides of being dead? Here health secretary Steve Barclay lists the positives.