Sport

ENGLAND fans are lost in reassuring fantasies where suddenly Gareth Southgate appears to fix everything in a humble, middle-aged way. Here are six of them.

AN England fan is unable to believe the world truly exists if it is one where England won a European Championship quarter-final four-nil.

THE match tonight needs a drinking game, and it can’t be based on goals because England have only scored four in three weeks. Use these rules:

TONIGHT’S game will be repeatedly interrupted by your mother, who last watched football in July 2018. This is what she’ll ask:

AN England fan born eight years after England’s World Cup victory has decided that last night’s quarter-finals qualifier were probably better.

DID you massively overdo it last night? Is your hangover marring your joy at England’s win? Here’s how to survive a day of football-induced alcohol poisoning.

LOOKING forward to the big match, but realistically it’s the Germans? Here’s how to have a great night in the face of inevitable disappointment.

ENGLAND fans worn out by a five-year xenophobia binge are exhaustedly trying to summon up reserves of bigotry against the Germans.

THE last global war and a prolonged penalty shoot-out are painful parts of England’s cultural history. But which one upset you more?

THE jewel in our summer sporting crown is back, and with it the usual marvellous sights that make us so proud to be British.