ARE you still dangerously high on England’s latest victory over Denmark? It can’t last, particularly when we play Italy, so here’s how to beat your addiction before it gets out of control.
Gradually reduce your England consumption
Reduce how much England coverage you watch, and try talking about something other than the Euros. You won’t get the same buzz from droning on about your job or tedious personal problems, but you need to do it before English football takes over your life.
Find a substitute high
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of England actually winning some football for once, but it can’t last forever. Try drinking heavily to recreate the high, or take drugs – the stronger and more illegal the better. If that doesn’t work, become addicted to Wimbledon.
Realise you can’t beat it alone
As with a drink or drug addiction, support is important. Visit a counsellor who really doesn’t give a shit about football, or spend time with a sports-averse friend whose eyes glaze over when you explain why Jordan Pickford is one of the greatest goalkeepers of all time.
Develop other interests
Without England football games there will be a huge hole in your life you need to fill. Start obsessively going to the gym, or get really into something strange like competitive carp fishing or born-again Christianity. If you have a partner they may leave you because you’ve become a weirdo, but that’s the price you have to pay.
Set up England Addicts Anonymous
There are other people out there addicted to England wins, so start a therapy group. Sitting in a circle discussing Gareth Southgate’s best formation changes will make you realise you are not alone.
