Politics

CONCERNED friends of Boris Johnson have confirmed that while he remains defiant about parliament’s witch hunt, he is now only one-and-a-half feet tall.

BORIS Johnson has requested that the entire Chequers lockdown guest list be awarded the Victoria Cross for their bravery under fire.

WAIT, so Boris wants the inquiry to see everything but Rishi’s called the lawyers in? Exactly what has the little f**ker got to hide?

A BREXITER who voted for sovereignty and got spiralling inflation, a collapsing NHS and record immigration is wondering if he was the dickhead.

THE Johnsons, those fascinating creatures native to these isles, have once again engendered a simultaneous pregnancy and political scandal in order to reproduce. Here’s how it works.

DOMINIC Raab is walking away from politics to take up one of the countless offers from employers who want an inept bully on staff. Here’s his CV.

ANYONE claiming to harbour crushes on Penny Mordaunt, Angela Rayner or Dishy Rishi Sunak has been asked if they have heard of models, porn stars or actors.

A SPEED awareness course is not the only class where the home secretary decided it was easier to take the points. There are other glaring holes in her education...

THE ‘woke blob’ of civil servants which terrifies Daily Telegraph readers can only hurt you if you believe it is real, it has emerged.

A CONSERVATIVE MP is teetering on the brink of gulping down a bowl of raw sewage live on TV, it has emerged.