NADHIM Zahawi is happy to be investigated as long as the media do not discover his private island with his likeness carved into a cliff-face.
The Conservative chairman has shrugged off paying £5 million tax, telling friends he has that kind of money just lying about the house, but is anxious that the island, its submersible runway and laser drone defence grid remain undiscovered.
He said: “You know what it’s like. You’ve got a few hundred million sloshing around that HRMC doesn’t need to know about and a prime piece of North Atlantic real estate becomes available.
“Before you know it your offshore vehicles have purchased it and refitted it as the perfect impregnable lair, apocalypse bolthole and monument to your genius complete with face.
“It was just a whim really. I said ‘Doesn’t that cliff look like me?’ and my wife arranged it as a surprise, complete with observation chamber in the right eye, proton cannon in the left and all the sculptors sealed in concrete at the bottom of the ocean.
“But you know what the press are like. They’ll make a big deal of it, acting like it’s not perfectly normal, and next thing you know the politics of envy has claimed another victim.”
He added: “Focusing on my 200ft high face on my private island is nothing but a distraction. The media should be ashamed.”
