Politics

THE Conservatives cannot fathom how they could possibly end the baffling, motiveless rail strike. These are their panicked ideas thus far.

BORIS Johnson believes he can be prime minister again. Someone needs to explain to him these six reasons why he’ll be far, far happier when he isn’t.

POSSIBLE prime ministers Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak go head to head tonight on ITV. These are the questions they should be asked.

CAN’T wait to find out how Boris Johnson shamelessly lies about events after his disastrous stint in Downing Street? Here’s a sneak preview of chapters from his upcoming biography of himself.

BIG crying babies across the country have demanded they be given their comforting cuddly Boris back or they will scream.

THE ousting of Penny Mordaunt brings shame on the Tory party. Although I’m not normally one to whinge about discrimination, let’s call this what it is: racism against milfs.

YOU’RE serious, aren’t you? You really would elect her prime minister. Liz Truss, unfit to be prime minister of a duck pond. You’d make her prime minister of a country. Not a made-up country but an actual country. This one.

WILL bobblehead Liz Truss or Blue Peter presenter Penny Mordaunt make it to the final two today? Here’s how to pretend you give a shit.

A MAN has confirmed that he wanted a Tory candidate who supported net zero and trans rights so he would feels like less of a scumbag when he voted for them.

THERE are only four possible prime ministers left in the Conservative leadership contest. This is the dystopian nightmare Britain would be under each of them.