Politics

FORMER members of the government have blamed the 14 million people who voted for Johnson for this mess, it has emerged.

AFTER three years of failing to stay true to my word, I am delighted to finally deliver on the will of the people by f**king off from frontline politics.

THE Phantom PM caught and unmasked by the Scooby-Doo gang has asked if he can remain in post as caretaker until September.

THE SIEGE of Downing Street has ended but crazed fanatic Nadine Dorries remains at large, police have warned.

THE prime minister is to resign today, unless he is lying.

THE prime minister’s number is up, but he won’t go quietly. Here are some ways he might choose to make his exit.

BORIS Johnson has appointed a new cabinet after losing key members to morality yesterday. But who are they, and how has it come to this?

THE prime minister and his wife have announced they are pleased to welcome the arrival of another baby, and this one is the second coming of Christ.

THE UK has agreed that the long, slow demise of Boris Johnson should be as long, as slow and as enjoyable as possible.

THE scandal over the wildly gropey deputy chief whip continues along entirely predictable lines today. Here’s how they all unfold.