Politics

HELLO, Gove here, taking bookings for hook-ups. But when I’m not enjoying single life I like to lurk in the shadows and betray. This is how to pick your moment.

EVER wondered why pensioners like your gran keep voting Tory? Here are some strange distortions of the facts a worrying number of older people seem to believe.

THE prime minister is less popular among his own MPs than Theresa May in 2018, when she was less popular than scabies. What else is he as unpopular as?

THE public has confirmed it is content to watch an impaled Boris Johnson wriggle like a worm on a hook for a while before being finished off.

MY MPs tried to kick me out. The country booed me at the Jubilee. But I’m here with one thing to say to the turncoats: suck my big posh dick.

BORIS Johnson has lamented that a single error, committed multiple times over a year, seems set to blight his long and distinguished career of public service.

TODAY’S vote of no confidence called by the biased media was won with the prime minister receiving 100 per cent of the vote before it even took place. Here’s how.

THE UK has had a lovely four days off celebrating the Jubilee before returning to work for a pleasant day of getting rid of Boris Johnson.

ARE you a Tory MP trying to work out whether Boris Johnson is f**ked enough for you to hand in a letter of no confidence? Here’s how to decide.

GOOD morning. When I am elected prime minister, it is my pledge to you that I will commit the following crimes: