Politics

YOU’D think that as Chancellor of the Exchequer I’d be able to do something about inflation. You are clearly ignorant about politics and do not realise I’m powerless to intervene. Here’s why.

QUICK-THINKING Labour leader Keir Starmer reassured a drowning man that he was looking at fully-costed plans to rescue him in the months to come.

DOOMMONGERS will say £5,300 energy bills could drive millions into poverty. Let me, Liz Truss, explain why they are not a bad thing.

MANY Tory grassroots members wish lazy, incompetent liar Boris Johnson could continue as PM. So do you share their inexplicable nostalgia? Take our test and find out if you are very stupid.

THERE’S nothing like a juicy steak cooked on a proper petrol-fired barbecue, because petroleum is a completely natural miracle fuel we should extract more of.

RISHI Sunak recently revealed he has never taken drugs and thinks they’re ‘horrific’. Here’s his guide to sensibly enjoying yourself at a party.

BRITONS are finding it impossible to sign up with an NHS dentist. That’ll teach you to do better at school and go private, says health minister Steve Barclay. Here’s his dental advice.

DESPITE being a chaotic nightmare while in office, Boris Johnson has taken steps to aid his successor. Here are his handover notes in full.

HOOTS, I’ve caused a stir by saying we should ignore Nicola Sturgeon and Scotchish independence. Here’s what I learned during a government fact-finding trip to this strange, backward little province.

LIZ Truss is posing for a photoshoot in England kit with a football under one arm as we f**king speak, Britain has realised.