Politics

THE prime minister is in Belfast this morning to work through a few minor finishing touches on the Brexit deal that was done and dusted in 2019.

SCOTLAND is quietly relieved that, with the departure of Nicola Sturgeon, this whole independence thing will be considered dead and buried.

NICOLA Sturgeon is prepared to take a second swing at resigning if this first attempt does not pan out, she has announced.

THE most repulsive political commentators in Britain are delighted to hear that Nicola Sturgeon has resigned, it has emerged.

PEOPLE often say to me, ‘Martin, why do you bother calling yourself a centrist when you always take right-wing views?’ They just don’t understand the benefits of centrism.

THEIR secret summit proves it: Remainers are plotting to reverse Brexit, and their agents walk among us. Your boss? Your best friend? Your wife?

NADINE Dorries, who is standing down at the next election, believes her place in history as Boris Johnson’s non-sexual acolyte is assured.

TORY party deputy chair Lee Anderson is best known for his bullshit cooking advice for poor people. But why stop with meals when there’s so much more you can do for 30p?

RISHI Sunak is to give the big bag of Tory twats he has no choice but to work with a really good shake and see what comes out.

IN your life you’ve encountered a few people as forcefully deluded as former PM Liz Truss. These were the ones who snubbed reality.