Science & Technology

PHYSICISTS have observed that time passes four times as fast in family homes when children are safely away at school.

A MAN who has lost the internet connection in his house is convinced he can solve the problem by repeatedly connecting and disconnecting things.

YOU wake up, you turn your alarm off and you spend a solid 10 minutes staring at your phone screen, just like you did before you went to sleep. But are you doing it enough?

OVERUSING your phone can ruin an evening, unless all your mates are tw*ts who only want to obsessively check their emails too. Here’s how make a sociable night totally pointless.

A MAN has created a unique password that no hacker, bot or even he himself will ever be able to guess.

A MAN has left his full-time job to spend his nine-to-five working week trying to get ahead of his LinkedIn notifications.

ANYONE claiming to look down on enormous flatscreen televisions cannot get enough of them when they visit friends’ houses, their friends have confirmed.

A WOMAN who claims she did not reply to an email because it went into her spam folder is talking sh*t.

A WOMAN following her phone’s satellite navigation has total faith in it regardless of evidence, she has confirmed.

APPLE have announced that the next iPhone will feature multiple actual improvements, before clarifying that they are of course joking.