Science & Technology

A MAN has left his full-time job to spend his nine-to-five working week trying to get ahead of his LinkedIn notifications.

ANYONE claiming to look down on enormous flatscreen televisions cannot get enough of them when they visit friends’ houses, their friends have confirmed.

A WOMAN who claims she did not reply to an email because it went into her spam folder is talking sh*t.

A WOMAN following her phone’s satellite navigation has total faith in it regardless of evidence, she has confirmed.

APPLE have announced that the next iPhone will feature multiple actual improvements, before clarifying that they are of course joking.

APPLE design guru Sir Jonathan Ive has admitted his iconic designs are based on his inability to draw anything except oblongs.

A FIVE-year-old boy was 30 minutes late for school because his mum was messing about on Facebook and lost track of time.

A LIFT engineer has confirmed that the ‘close doors’ button does absolutely f*ck all.  

A 36 YEAR-old man who used a generous dose of washing up liquid in his dishwasher has vowed to carry on looking after himself.

BRITONS have realised that there is no theoretical limit to the size of the television they would buy.