Relationships

HAVE you been driven to using weird euphemisms for sex by an emotionally-stifled middle class upbringing? Stop using the following phrases immediately.

AGREEING with your partner on who the massive bellends is the best foundation of a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

A MAN has admitted he is perplexed as to why his girlfriend’s electric toothbrush is always on charge.

IT'S not acceptable for parents to swear at their children, but that doesn't mean you can't be constantly doing it in your mind. Here are five phrases that mean something different from what your kids hear.

WANT to spend the rest of your life alone without even a whiff of romance? Follow this advice from permanently single twats.

LILY Allen has decreed that it is fine to masturbate in a relationship. Here the pop star who hasn’t had a hit for a while answers all your wanking questions.

A MARRIED couple who spontaneously had sex with each other cannot get over the shock.

THE Guardian’s latest Blind Date feature has been ruined by the inclusion of someone who is not a middle class tosser.

Being in a relationship is a delicate balance. There are good times, bad times and times when you’ll plunge into a blazing row in 30 seconds flat. Like these.

HAS your nemesis just revealed they’ve been given an ample pay rise or tricked some hapless moron into marrying them? Put on a brave face with these coping strategies.