Relationships

YOUR girlfriend kindly pretends you are good in bed, but where do you really stand in her league table of lust?

A MAN who successfully explained something to his wife she already knew has been congratulated in a manner befitting his achievement.

A BEAUTIFUL woman at a bar has been sending out definite signals that she is keen to talk about the online gaming universe of World of Warcraft.

A MAN with a yacht is clearly turned on whenever he talks about the vessel as if it is actually female.

A WOMAN has unlocked new efficiencies in her packed weekly schedule by preparing ahead of time a selection of complaints, insults and resentments to fire at her husband.

DATING can be depressing, not least because women have to pretend to think men are fascinating in order to stroke their egos. If you hear any of these comments, please understand that she is being wildly insincere.

A MAN who has explicitly stated that he is a ‘nice guy’ on his dating profile does not feel the need to follow up this claim by being pleasant.

A WOMAN has taken her commitment to live by traditional wifely values all the way by having an affair with a sexy stable boy.

A WOMAN has announced she is so much better than everyone else in Britain she must wed an Italian.

GETTING it on with a hot stranger only to be faced with their dead grandma staring back at you? Here are some more tats guaranteed to put you off your stroke.