AS Cher said, if you want to know if he loves you so it’s in his kiss. And she did not mean upstairs. These famous men live to go down, you can see it in their faces:
Rory Stewart
A thoughtful man sensitive to the needs of others, his two-year walk across Afghanistan suggests he has the necessary patience, stamina and tolerance for hot, sticky places. That’s before the natural advantage of his frog mouth. Soon, performing oral on a lady will become known as ‘Rorying’ as in ‘He’s a fantastic love, can Rory for hours’.
Ed Sheeran
With a face like that he has to have game. Even with all his wealth and celebrity, the best place for a mug like that is not MTV but a lady’s nonny. Besides, after his Autumn Variations albums he has ground to make up.
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson
Less a suspicion, more a proven fact. When DJ Khaled admitted he does not taste the cherry, The Rock eagerly tweeted that he takes ‘great pride in mastering ALL performances’. And, given what certainly seems to the casual observer like unstinting steroid use over decades and its effects on the penis, it may be the only way he can satisfy.
Anyone Spanish or Spanish-speaking
Enrique Iglesias, Antonio Banderas, Rafal Nadal, Javier Bardem: the overactive oral movements needed for Spanish pronunciation give native speakers a tongue dexterity that’s also key to speaking the language of love. Even General Franco had a talent for yodelling in the valley when he wasn’t overthrowing the Second Republic.
Jamie Oliver
His face may have risen like overproofed dough, but he’s still got a tongue large enough to fill a sandwich. No need to get naked, chef: you’ve ordered the clam. Get stuck in.
Clive Myrie
Reads the news like he’s delivering long, loving licks with a hint of vibratory solemnity, and fixes your gaze with the knowledge that he wants what you want. Could get you off in the time it takes to cover the sport. Former trumpeter, if you need proof.
Gareth Southgate
The master. The man whose face is always your seat. Begins with painstaking build-up work before launching an unexpectedly creative assault then finishing with lightning darts from unexpected angles. Before bringing you to the explosive climax he never managed with England because his heart wasn’t in international management, it was in cunnilingus.
