Lifestyle

AGE restrictions for online porn are coming in, so we must look to the wisdom of the elders. Top-shelf buyer Martin Bishop explains his ancient art.

LOOKING to get lucky? Hoping you can do it by learning a few scripted lines, like a call-centre customer adviser of love?

PERSONALISING your car is a brilliant way of warning other road users there’s a twat about so keep a good distance.

DOES your partner drift off instantly while you lie awake for hours? You might recognise these other irritating bedtime habits.

WANT to tick one of these goals off your bucket list? Just do the tick and not the thing, because it's shit:

PARENTS always want their kids to stop looking at screens and do something more worthwhile. But what kind of mind-numbing activities did you waste your own childhood on?

MOVIES believe that being a teenager is romance, rebellion and rites of passage, forgetting that it’s mostly time pissed away on this crap.

ARE you a single man living out his years in grim solitude? Here are five tiny victories that come with being left on the shelf.

THE so-called 'day of rest' is actually the day of tedious chores, including these five tasks that make you yearn for the punishment of the daily grind.

HAVING a child famously costs an absolute packet. Here are five eye-wateringly expensive purchases the ungrateful little shit won’t ever know you made.