Lifestyle

THE first signs of spring are here and with them, some twat is already parading around in shades.

WE may come across as aloof pricks, but we care about our owners. That’s why we always knock it out of the park with gifts.

GOT a personality as interesting as dry Weetabix but want to convince the world you're a wacky, free-spirited rebel? Try wearing these items.  

DID you spend your teens wanting to seem edgy and cool? Then you probably wore one of these band t-shirts, even if you hated the music.

A 47-YEAR-OLD man has appealed for help after making the calamitous error of sitting on a bean bag at a friend’s house.

ARE you a man who’s sadly got divorced, but also thrown off the shackles of domestic servitude? Here Tom Logan gives his advice to other liberated, unhygienic men.

GENERATION Z thinks they’re more switched on than the rest of us. So how come they keep making these mistakes of the 1990s?

SMUG knobs who moved from London to the countryside cannot f**king believe how much getting anywhere at all costs now, they have confirmed.

CHICKEN? Chicken for me? No chicken at all? Shame. Anyway, big beds are for dogs and humans, speaking as a dog. Let me in.

WENT gothic at 14 but unable to justify dressing like a Poundland Edward Scissorhands in middle age? Former goth Roy Hobbs outlines escape routes.